Is Virtue Not Enough?

Ever since I was a little girl, I've wondered what is it I'm doing "wrong". Putting countless thoughtful minutes into what I'd wear to school, only to be met by skeptic criticism...specifically from those who I assumed were supposed to love me. Love me exactly how am I and who I am.

Since then it's been a battle in my mind, fighting to hear my thoughts over the loud, persistent thoughts of others. "You want to go to Art School?". "You want to work in fashion?". My only respite arriving once I transferred colleges from Arizona State to the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York.

Swiftly upon my arrival in New York, I was met with warmth and admiration. "Wow that's cool" in regard to my hand-made outfit. "That's impressive you've started your own shop, let's show the whole class" regarding my brand new Etsy shop. It's a case of get in where you fit in.

Now just over ten years later, I'm met again with pushback that has me questioning my feelings, almost like a cycle that is up against the clock. One I had been avoiding meeting by staying comfortably in my position I had created for myself in New York. I met my goals in ten years time (a lesson to any younger soul reading this, things really do take time). 

Instead of fearing these questions, I am listening. I have been let go from three jobs this year, and quit a separate three. Jobs I didn't want to do, but felt I should. As an artist with my own fashion business, when things are going well I wonder- 'why should I be the lucky one?' Who does not have to punch in or suffer through the 8 hours on the time clock. Who loves this work down to my the bones in my toes. 

I hear the call more clearly now all of a sudden. It's time for me to step up and not look down, even though it is scary. I want this life for myself more than anything. And not just for me. Any younger person I work with during this journey offers so much love and insight, I want to give it back to them. I want the young people who feel misunderstood and out of place to realize they very much have a place. And the reason that is feels difficult is because it is. But we wouldn't be having these thoughts and daydreams without reason. The reason is that we are meant to pursue them, let go of what falls off (or pushes us off) and step into the light. And stay there.